who am I? “ - I deeply resonated with this piece Kali. A common path for many, but how we all navigate this , I believe is “who we become”, so unique yet so much shared 💓
These words are so clearly expressed and yet laden with a deep feeling of loss, confusion, and a grappling with this totally new life now confronting you.
The heart breaking poignancy underlying this has stirred up such sadness for me around being part of that huge change, that time of your loss of innocence. the loss of a life as you had known and understood it up until then. It was shattering for me....feeling it all...part of it and yet not part of it.
But reading what you have written has also triggered my own deep childhood feelings.
That day at 5 years old when my parents left me at the house of strangers, where I was now to board so that I could go to school.
I still vividly recall standing at a white picket fence gate in silent shock as I watched my parents car drive away back to the farm, back to the only home I'd ever known and loved.
Back to the the life that had been mine, back to all that was familiar...our dogs, the cows being milked in the early morning, driving with dad through the farm hills in the dawn, mists lingering in the valleys and gulleys, pink with the coming sunrise, the smells of the bush, the birdsong, the voices of Zulu people that had been my company back then.
I kept looking and waving long after the car had disappeared over the first rise in the road, swallowed up in clouds of dust.
An aching longing gripped my heart. Time stood still.
"I believe you write with such depth of feeling and insight and you express this in a way that is very moving. I am sure your words will touch people deeply and many will be able to identify with what you are sharing so beautifully. I want to be able to read more of what you have to share. Thank you"
“Or we could track it further back to how, as a youngen I took on the stories of society, internalised them and slowly (or not so slowly) felt like I became a stranger in my own skin. To hide this feeling from those around me, I ran a tight internal ship to keep the mask on.“ I can totally relate to this...I think this is the common human path from a broad level, but how we take on society’s story’s and how we grow past them are unique to us all. Thanks for including me in your post and the kind words!
“11, a dark winter’s night
wrapped in a cloak
of tangled emotions
tripping me up
shrouds of shoulds
society’s rules
who am I? “ - I deeply resonated with this piece Kali. A common path for many, but how we all navigate this , I believe is “who we become”, so unique yet so much shared 💓
Yes ✨ Thank you for your words Clara Belle. “Who we become” and perhaps who we remember we are underneath all the stories 🌸
Avanol.
These words are so clearly expressed and yet laden with a deep feeling of loss, confusion, and a grappling with this totally new life now confronting you.
The heart breaking poignancy underlying this has stirred up such sadness for me around being part of that huge change, that time of your loss of innocence. the loss of a life as you had known and understood it up until then. It was shattering for me....feeling it all...part of it and yet not part of it.
But reading what you have written has also triggered my own deep childhood feelings.
That day at 5 years old when my parents left me at the house of strangers, where I was now to board so that I could go to school.
I still vividly recall standing at a white picket fence gate in silent shock as I watched my parents car drive away back to the farm, back to the only home I'd ever known and loved.
Back to the the life that had been mine, back to all that was familiar...our dogs, the cows being milked in the early morning, driving with dad through the farm hills in the dawn, mists lingering in the valleys and gulleys, pink with the coming sunrise, the smells of the bush, the birdsong, the voices of Zulu people that had been my company back then.
I kept looking and waving long after the car had disappeared over the first rise in the road, swallowed up in clouds of dust.
An aching longing gripped my heart. Time stood still.
So beautiful, thank you so much for sharing your story of that time 🙏🏼💖
Avanol Bell
"I believe you write with such depth of feeling and insight and you express this in a way that is very moving. I am sure your words will touch people deeply and many will be able to identify with what you are sharing so beautifully. I want to be able to read more of what you have to share. Thank you"
Thank you so much for your beautiful words! I hope to read some of your wild and wonderful life stories here one day :)
“Or we could track it further back to how, as a youngen I took on the stories of society, internalised them and slowly (or not so slowly) felt like I became a stranger in my own skin. To hide this feeling from those around me, I ran a tight internal ship to keep the mask on.“ I can totally relate to this...I think this is the common human path from a broad level, but how we take on society’s story’s and how we grow past them are unique to us all. Thanks for including me in your post and the kind words!
Thank you Brian, I love that! The common path and yet so unique at the same time!